Apparently I have an "enormous armoury of shockingly bad jokes" (according to Phil Nolan)
One that I wrote myself is:
"I prefer Count Star to Count Dracula, because I don't like having to consider which Draculas are NULL."
Others that I heard elsewhere:
"A man walks into a bar and sees two tables. Says 'Can I join you?'"
"Q: What do you call someone who turns into Father Christmas whenever there's a full moon? A: A were-clause."
There's also the fact that my company LobsterPot Solutions (which has a claw as its logo) should use the slogan "SELECT Claws", but I don't want to do that because only the techies would get the joke, not the people who would be prepared to hire me.
But surely you guys can do better... please post them here.
Answer by Jeremy H ·
An Oracle DBA and a DB2 DBA walk into a bar. The barman asks them what they'd like to drink and a huge debate ensues on how to optimize the query. (Boom Tish)
Their mate the SQL Server DBA rolls in after about 15 minutes only to find them still arguing. After rolling his eyes at them, he walks up to the bar and greets the barman warmly. The barman asks him "Hey, you're a DBA too aren't you? Why aren't you joining in?" The SQL Server DBA grins at the barman and says "Ah... well... the reason I'm late is that this always happens when these clowns go out drinking - I work with SQL Server, so I had the option of optimizing the query using a wizard before I got here! So mine's a scotch!"
Answer by Phil Factor ·
Answer by Mark ·