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Apparently I have an "enormous armoury of shockingly bad jokes" (according to Phil Nolan) One that I wrote myself is: "I prefer Count Star to Count Dracula, because I don't like having to consider which Draculas are NULL." Others that I heard elsewhere: "A man walks into a bar and sees two tables. Says 'Can I join you?'" "Q: What do you call someone who turns into Father Christmas whenever there's a full moon? A: A were-clause." There's also the fact that my company LobsterPot Solutions (which has a claw as its logo) should use the slogan "SELECT Claws", but I don't want to do that because only the techies would get the joke, not the people who would be prepared to hire me. But surely you guys can do better... please post them here.
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Sent to me from David Reed: http://www.virtualshackles.com/71/ I added 500 points of my own to this question and accepted this answer to congratulate you for your Famous Question. http://ask.sqlservercentral.com/questions/803/can-i-install-sql-server-2000-on-windows-7
Jun 10 '10 at 08:36 PM
Rob Farley
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Someone should probably link to http://xkcd.com/327
One of the GREAT sql jokes.
Dec 29 '09 at 10:46 AM
Grant Fritchey ♦♦
Its hard to beat Bobby Tables when it comes to SQL humor.
Dec 29 '09 at 02:00 PM
TimothyAWiseman
The response from mum either tells me she is a DBA herself or that she has had to answer that question at least once a year for her son's life! :-)
Jun 11 '10 at 10:01 AM
Ian Roke
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An Oracle DBA and a DB2 DBA walk into a bar. The barman asks them what they'd like to drink and a huge debate ensues on how to optimize the query. (Boom Tish) Their mate the SQL Server DBA rolls in after about 15 minutes only to find them still arguing. After rolling his eyes at them, he walks up to the bar and greets the barman warmly. The barman asks him "Hey, you're a DBA too aren't you? Why aren't you joining in?" The SQL Server DBA grins at the barman and says "Ah... well... the reason I'm late is that this always happens when these clowns go out drinking - I work with SQL Server, so I had the option of optimizing the query using a wizard before I got here! So mine's a scotch!" 'Excuse me, but where is the nearest boozer?' 'You're talking to him!'
Aug 11 '11 at 08:38 AM
Phil Factor
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IT Contractor goes to the gates of heaven. Very indignant. He says to St Peter, "Look here, I was only 45 so why did I have to die? It's not fair." St Peter stares back with a puzzled frown, and leafs through the golden book. "Hey, that's odd. According to the hours you've claimed for, you're 120" Nice. And now you've got over 500 karmic reputation points, what are you going to do with yourself?
Jun 29 '10 at 08:13 AM
ThomasRushton ♦
'I'm the key DBA in my team. I'm the one that locks up the office at night'
Jan 27 '11 at 04:45 AM
Phil Factor
'At what time to the developers start work? Generally about three hours after they arrive in the morning'
Jan 27 '11 at 04:48 AM
Phil Factor
That's somewhat close to
Jan 27 '11 at 05:15 AM
Fatherjack ♦♦
How many Agile Devs does it take to change a lightbulb? It isn't just the lightbulb that needs changing, the whole wiring system needs to be refactored.
Jan 27 '11 at 05:32 AM
Phil Factor
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Not SQL of course, but this is by far the most popular blog post I've ever done: http://cwebbbi.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!1pi7ETChsJ1un_2s41jm9Iyg!290.entry Yes, they're awful (but I think still on topic enough). Which is your favourite from amongst them?
Dec 28 '09 at 05:21 PM
Rob Farley
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Oh, and I will post the best ones to my blog as well, linking back to them here.